I woke up this morning, super super early once again. 3:40AM to be exact. And I woke up to a dream where I was looking at a picture of an umbrella with the words: Tell Your Umbrella to Pull Up a Seeded Garden. And it is staying with me and not getting lost in the hazy waking up phase of deep sleep.
So here I sit in these early morning hours, wondering what those words mean. I like the way they sound, I’m wondering how they got put together, and I know there is meaning there to be discovered. So I’m going to sit and ponder what the meaning is, and why my brain chose to conjure up these words.
- An umbrella protects us from the messiness of life.
- An umbrella prevents water from reaching what is below, which prevents growth.
- An umbrella shields the sun.
- An umbrella keeps precious belongings dry.
- An umbrella repels rain.
- If you are always shielding yourself from what is natural and life giving, then you may as well pull up the seeds you are planting.
- Seeds need water and sunlight to grow and reach their full potential. If you are constantly shielding the seeds they will not blossom into what they are meant to be.
- I think I’ll stick to the last sentence because in my rambling thoughts I think I’m uncovering the meaning of the dream sentence: Seeds need water and sunlight to grow and reach their full potential. If you are constantly shielding the seeds they will not blossom into what they are meant to be.
What does this mean to somebody newly sober? To me, in these early morning hours, it means that we are shielding ourselves with alcohol. We are trying to shield ourselves from the messiness of life instead of standing in the rain fully exposed. We are drinking, and by drinking we are missing out on water and sunlight and fresh air as we tragically isolate. Because, we may think, if we can’t stand ourselves, why will others want to stand with us? We are shielding ourselves and preventing ourselves from growing into who we are truly meant to be. So we drink, we try to hide who we really are, we try and pretend everything is okay as we stand dry in a thunderstorm. But the storm is real, and the umbrella is simply a prop to shield us from what is natural and meant to be. And that my friend is our truth. So today, I say let’s ditch the umbrella, let’s get wet and messy. Let’s give the seeds we planted an opportunity to grow and blossom without anything standing in the way. Today I’m going to let the storm come, to rage, and will welcome the gift that is left in its path: Sobriety.
Happy Sober Friday,
Kelly
